The case of the EX

In my happy home I barely breathe, In my lovers arms I find relief, And there's a sky that's changing and a bird that sings, I never once in my wayward life was heading to run out. In my lovers arms I wait for morning, I beg my god to speak and tear me apart, I'd lay down my body I'd lay down my arms, I never once in my sweet short life meant anybody harm, In my happy home I read the signs, In my lovers arms I move in time, There's no more crying and there's no more lies, I never once in my sweet short life was waiting for desire, And there's no more crying, And there's no more pain, I never thought for one second I'd have nothing left but shame, In my happy home I barely breathe, I never once in my wayward life was heading to run out.

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Posted by: ShiloThin Original: 9/8/2009 7:00 PM Views: 11 Comments: 5 eProps: 4 Read Comments Post a Comment Back to Your Xanga Site

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2 eProps from: blue_dragonfly420 her_phantasmagoria

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Tuesday, September 08, 2009

Idk anymore. During my worst time when I was in the psychiatric ward he said I deserved this. I was meant to be alone and have no friends. That he wouldn't visit me. The only relationship we could ever have is him Master me slave. I said no. I cried all I needed was soap...u think a ward would have it there, it is some what like a hospitable. But the ward is a long scary story. I finally hung up on him when he agreed that I was a manipulative bitch who gets w/e I want. If that were true I'd have friends, not be ill, and my family and him would visist me daily. Oh when my mom brought soap and shampoo I was so happy. Sounds like prison huh?

After I was discharged he called my home a week later. I wasn't home, and he ALWAYS blocks his number, but not this time. I ignored it. So I got today this email and I replied. Tell me idk any feedback is nice....

"Hey,

Its Josh. I suspect you may have blocked my email (and I know i've done worse) so here I am...Again.

Nina I don't know what to tell you. If I could find what I was looking for anywhere else odds are I would have, but in the end it still comes back to you. I can't explain why, it just does.

Now, if you have moved on and have found a happier life I am very happy for you, and if it doesnt include me then so beit. But if your still thinking of me, know that I am still thinking of you. To be honest, there are a lot of things I miss about you, and a lot that I don't. What I do know is that I wasnt there for you, I wanted to be but I just couldnt do it. And because of that i've realized that life with you is hard, but life without you is harder.

Please give me a call or email me back.

Josh"

I put, in a depreseed state...

"What I want to say and have to say is like an essay. I really doubt u miss me. Idk anymore. I have so much to say, but no one willing to listen."

I wish I didn't reply. Or at least added what I wanted to say...Ahhhh!!!!

Posted 9/8/2009 7:00 PM - 11 Views - 4 eProps - 5 comments

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5 Comments

I haven't even read the email yet. He sounds like a douche! Seriously...he couldn't bring you soap! LAME and inconsiderate! And how could you tell ANYONE what you were going through was DESERVED!?
Honestly the way he acted, he doesn't deserve you or a response. And I'd say whatever he has to say can't trump the fact he said he was Master you were Slave. So let him miss you and regret loosing you all he wants he doesn't deserve you!

Posted 9/8/2009 8:36 PM by blue_dragonfly420 - reply

@blue_dragonfly420 -

Thanks hun. Yea I hate that I replied. But he won't reply probably, which sickens me b/c he probably thinks, he can get me when ever he wants.:( I wish I never replied.

Posted 9/8/2009 9:06 PM by ShiloThin - reply

Oh hun. ]=

I think he's toying with your emotions. I think he enjoys it. I think he needs help more than you ever will. He seems to be so f*cked up. I mean, really?! His sadistic attitude toward you makes me sick. I know that you care about him and you were really upset about things with him earlier but I wish you could leave him alone.

Maybe this time he's serious. Maybe not. No matter what he just doesn't deserve someone as amazing you.

Posted 9/9/2009 10:36 AM by her_phantasmagoria - reply

@NeverxSkinnyxCentral -

Thanks hun. He won't get me. No guy irl wants me. The one I want, wants me, but is terrified of relationships and is always gone. He thought/thinks I am beauty even at the ward in my worst way ever. I wish he'd be more assertive, he is 34, I want him....Slowly to trust to love...But this is my life no guy treats me good. If they do they are friends or fade away.

Posted 9/9/2009 8:41 PM by ShiloThin - reply

@ShiloThin - Maybe he needs a swift kick in the ass. I'd gladly do it for you if only I were closer! I know it seems like a broken record, but hang in there. Someone worthy of you will come along if it's not him. And they will never ever let you go.

Posted 9/9/2009 9:06 PM by her_phantasmagoria - reply

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